I have read countless articles over the years of how clergy get wrapped-up in the wiles of narcissism. It is a very subtle trap but one that leads to very difficult relationships with parishioners and of course, ultimately God. I won't go into great detail about narcissism but suffice it to say the concern of 'playing-to-the-crowd' and avoiding conflict is a real issue particularly in the ministry where so much emphasis is placed on 'customer satisfaction' these days. One reminder that I came across years ago was to preach as if Jesus is sitting in the pew because--guess what--He is! That keeps one humble for sure.
I also am aware of the drive within to be a "people-pleaser" which again, does strange things to relationships. Besides all the co-dependent flags this raises it also makes it difficult to simply be honest and genuine. I don't mean to be getting overly personal by simply writing about clergy--but this is all I know. So you fill in the blanks as to your experience, but again, by being in the people-pleasing business what one does unintentionally is starve one's own needs by constantly living as if life is a performance. It is a recipe for disaster and it leads to burn-out. The best advice again I have received over the years is to be a God-pleaser and at the end of the day do all that you can possibly do to honor God. Whether or not people will be pleased is not your concern but at least you will be satisfied in knowing that you are living for real.
Of course, it was Rick Warren who penned those opening lines in The Purpose Driven Life by stating the obvious: "it is not about you." What strikes me about reading Merton today is the clarity in which he connects the Bible to the importance of self-effacement: "Necessity of the Bible. More and more of it." (November 3)
There are days and there are days but some days I do not "enjoy" the discipline of reading the Bible. Thanks to Merton, I think I just figured out why.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Revealing the Core
A long, long time ago I remember seeing a movie entitle Journey to the Center of the Earth. I recall nothing about the movie except for the title. My reason for remembering it today, is upon reading Merton's entry that: "there is something in the core of my being that needs to be revealed" (October 14).
What might a journey to center or core of our spiritual life be like? What would it reveal? Do I really want to go there? When I was younger I used to think that at the center of my spiritual life there resides the soul. I knew little about my soul then and it seemed like my soul was like that proverbial mustard seed Jesus referred to. My soul seemed insignificant in size, but over the years as I have paid more and more attention to my soul, I realize that my soul is bigger than I am. That is another story for another time.
For the purpose of this writing suffice it to say, I do not believe my soul is at the center of my spiritual life but rather covers my life. So what is at the core? Again, this is literally the heart-of-the-matter so it seemed like the heart was at the core. But I get the heart and the mind mixed-up and as I traveled through my spiritual journey I realized again, that I was more than thoughts or feelings.
So in making this journey to the core of my spiritual life it seemed natural to find where the Holy Spirit was located within--if my body was indeed the temple of the Holy Spirit. Surely, this would reveal the core. But alas my will continued to interfere with the Holy Spirit and it kept me from living into a spiritual life much less tapping into a spiritual core.
Like Merton, I know there is something behind all this that is waiting to be revealed. That is when I realized if I can get my will out of the way--or better yet if I can use my will to help choose the way--I bet at the core there is the image of God. No doubt, when created God left his image on all of us much like a thumbprint.
I know it is there. And I know it is waiting to be revealed.
What might a journey to center or core of our spiritual life be like? What would it reveal? Do I really want to go there? When I was younger I used to think that at the center of my spiritual life there resides the soul. I knew little about my soul then and it seemed like my soul was like that proverbial mustard seed Jesus referred to. My soul seemed insignificant in size, but over the years as I have paid more and more attention to my soul, I realize that my soul is bigger than I am. That is another story for another time.
For the purpose of this writing suffice it to say, I do not believe my soul is at the center of my spiritual life but rather covers my life. So what is at the core? Again, this is literally the heart-of-the-matter so it seemed like the heart was at the core. But I get the heart and the mind mixed-up and as I traveled through my spiritual journey I realized again, that I was more than thoughts or feelings.
So in making this journey to the core of my spiritual life it seemed natural to find where the Holy Spirit was located within--if my body was indeed the temple of the Holy Spirit. Surely, this would reveal the core. But alas my will continued to interfere with the Holy Spirit and it kept me from living into a spiritual life much less tapping into a spiritual core.
Like Merton, I know there is something behind all this that is waiting to be revealed. That is when I realized if I can get my will out of the way--or better yet if I can use my will to help choose the way--I bet at the core there is the image of God. No doubt, when created God left his image on all of us much like a thumbprint.
I know it is there. And I know it is waiting to be revealed.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Towards a Personal Faith
"Everyone who has to contend with unbelief should be advised that he ought not take his unbelief too seriously." (September 24) Wow! Those words from Karl Barth the eminent 20th century theologian jump off the page. I am almost greeted by these words.
Do not take your unbelief too seriously. Oh, but I do. It is not simply a lack of faith that gets to me these days but it is a lack of practicing my faith. Is Jesus really in charge? Do I turn my life over to Him? Am I praying as if I mean it? What do I expect my faith to do? Does my faith make a difference? In the world? In the way I lead my life? Am I serious about ushering in the Kingdom with Kingdom values? The list goes on and on.
Point being--I can really get excited about my lack of faith and my doubts and skepticism and all the hemming and hawing that goes with a lukewarm spirituality. It is safe. So then the quote today--like a pin-prick in a balloon--pops all my delusions or illusions that plays with faith. You know and I know we play with our lack of faith. That is the games people play. The pay-off is I am the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. No difference when I walk with unbelief.
Flip it over and there is literally a world of difference. "Only faith is to be taken seriously, and if we have faith as a grain of mustard seed, that suffices for the devil to have lost his game." Once again, only this time with a little more soul and gusto: WOW! Can you imagine beating the devil with faith the size of only a mustard seed?
Faith can probably be defined a million different ways but I am not referring to a propositional faith, e.g. faith that this is true or faith that God is real or faith that prayer works. The word that is what makes my faith so propositional from the stand-point of removed, distant, impersonal and borderline unbelief. When I change and refer to faith in this truth I begin to tap into convictions. How about faith in the reality of God's presence--sort of sends goosebumps doesn't it? Or faith in prayer takes my prayer life to a new dimension. Faith is personal. Faith in Jesus sure beats faith that Jesus did this or that.
Such faith also beats the devil and it rises to a level I would call serious.
Do not take your unbelief too seriously. Oh, but I do. It is not simply a lack of faith that gets to me these days but it is a lack of practicing my faith. Is Jesus really in charge? Do I turn my life over to Him? Am I praying as if I mean it? What do I expect my faith to do? Does my faith make a difference? In the world? In the way I lead my life? Am I serious about ushering in the Kingdom with Kingdom values? The list goes on and on.
Point being--I can really get excited about my lack of faith and my doubts and skepticism and all the hemming and hawing that goes with a lukewarm spirituality. It is safe. So then the quote today--like a pin-prick in a balloon--pops all my delusions or illusions that plays with faith. You know and I know we play with our lack of faith. That is the games people play. The pay-off is I am the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. No difference when I walk with unbelief.
Flip it over and there is literally a world of difference. "Only faith is to be taken seriously, and if we have faith as a grain of mustard seed, that suffices for the devil to have lost his game." Once again, only this time with a little more soul and gusto: WOW! Can you imagine beating the devil with faith the size of only a mustard seed?
Faith can probably be defined a million different ways but I am not referring to a propositional faith, e.g. faith that this is true or faith that God is real or faith that prayer works. The word that is what makes my faith so propositional from the stand-point of removed, distant, impersonal and borderline unbelief. When I change and refer to faith in this truth I begin to tap into convictions. How about faith in the reality of God's presence--sort of sends goosebumps doesn't it? Or faith in prayer takes my prayer life to a new dimension. Faith is personal. Faith in Jesus sure beats faith that Jesus did this or that.
Such faith also beats the devil and it rises to a level I would call serious.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Indirection
Merton writes (September 8) about the need for New Directions. I often think of "direction" as coming out of an understanding of purpose, significance and meaning. In other words, not to quibble with words, but a new direction is a result of embracing a new understanding, or a greater significance, or a deeper meaning or insight that has been revealed.
Here is my point: Merton writes, "My job is to press forward, to grow interiorly, to pray, to break away from attachments and to defy fears, to grow in faith, which has its own solitude to seek an entirely new perspective and new dimension in my life." What I have found in my life is that seeking does not produce a new perspective and new dimension for my life. When I seek I receive. And when I receive then I press forward and grow interiorly and pray and all the rest. The receiving is key.
The direction is the same. I seek first the kingdom of God. Interestingly enough, in seeking God's kingdom several dynamics occur: (1) as mentioned previously, I receive a new perspective or as Merton would say a "new direction" infused by the Holy Spirit; (2) the outlook becomes more important to me than the outcome; (3) if there is an outcome it is God who produces it; (4) God grace is sufficient for me--meaning that I cannot bring about a new direction by my own effort.
Where this leaves me is in a place of indirection meaning that my spiritual formation does not occur by my direction or by any new direction. My formation is as a result of God working in me. Don't get me wrong--I agree with Merton that it is important to work for direction but it is God's direction. That is what I desire. How do we function (as opposed to dysfunction) and work for something as strange as "indirection?" We take obviously an indirect approach.
For example if I have a hard time with greed I don't try to overcome greed and become something I am not. Rather, I seek God's Kingdom values and allow God to form me into something I am which is charitable. Try anger. Rather than seeking to overcome anger we seek God's Kingdom that teaches us how to bless. One more--pride. Learn how to serve and guess what? Humility is not far behind.
Indirection is a practice that transforms and converts our desires (which can really be attachments) into the one desire which is our desire to please God.
Here is my point: Merton writes, "My job is to press forward, to grow interiorly, to pray, to break away from attachments and to defy fears, to grow in faith, which has its own solitude to seek an entirely new perspective and new dimension in my life." What I have found in my life is that seeking does not produce a new perspective and new dimension for my life. When I seek I receive. And when I receive then I press forward and grow interiorly and pray and all the rest. The receiving is key.
The direction is the same. I seek first the kingdom of God. Interestingly enough, in seeking God's kingdom several dynamics occur: (1) as mentioned previously, I receive a new perspective or as Merton would say a "new direction" infused by the Holy Spirit; (2) the outlook becomes more important to me than the outcome; (3) if there is an outcome it is God who produces it; (4) God grace is sufficient for me--meaning that I cannot bring about a new direction by my own effort.
Where this leaves me is in a place of indirection meaning that my spiritual formation does not occur by my direction or by any new direction. My formation is as a result of God working in me. Don't get me wrong--I agree with Merton that it is important to work for direction but it is God's direction. That is what I desire. How do we function (as opposed to dysfunction) and work for something as strange as "indirection?" We take obviously an indirect approach.
For example if I have a hard time with greed I don't try to overcome greed and become something I am not. Rather, I seek God's Kingdom values and allow God to form me into something I am which is charitable. Try anger. Rather than seeking to overcome anger we seek God's Kingdom that teaches us how to bless. One more--pride. Learn how to serve and guess what? Humility is not far behind.
Indirection is a practice that transforms and converts our desires (which can really be attachments) into the one desire which is our desire to please God.
Monday, August 25, 2008
The mercy of vacation
I have been on vacation. It was absolutely delightful--pure R&R. In addition, we were with all our children (now adults) and daughter-in-law and finance. The son who had recently returned from his fourth tour in Iraq was perhaps the most expressive about the importance of family and how great it was to be "home." There are all kinds of entries that I wrote about for me personally, but if there was a theme that ran throughout the vacation it was that of "mercy."
Often when walking the beach (which is the best form of therapy and mental massage I know) I would repeat the Jesus prayer over and over again. I have always found it a way of practicing the presence of God and being open or positioned for those "God moments." Certainly that was true again on this vacation.
If you don't know the Jesus Prayer it is simply (but profoundly) a continuous prayer that it is repeated over and over again: "Lord Jesus Christ have mercy upon me." Saying that prayer continuously while walking is a wonderful spiritual exercise that sinks deeply into the psyche and permeates the soul. One learning that came with it for me was the fact that if you say something enough you actually begin to believe it!
Mercy is one of those theological words that isn't used very much in our sound-byte, polarized, narcissistic culture. Perhaps that is the why we are the way we are--there is so little mercy or practice of mercy. Also, there is little understanding of the profound nature of mercy. Often people think of mercy as another form of forgiveness.
It is that but mercy also has to do with comfort, relief, compassion, and aid. Who can forget the story of the Good Samaritan? Again, back to vacation the Jesus Prayer stood for me as a reminder of how important the Lord's mercy is in the process of renewal. Mercy is key.
So I am back from vacation and today I read: A Prayer for God's Mercy. (August 25.) I am open and positioned and yes, renewed to say "Amen."
Often when walking the beach (which is the best form of therapy and mental massage I know) I would repeat the Jesus prayer over and over again. I have always found it a way of practicing the presence of God and being open or positioned for those "God moments." Certainly that was true again on this vacation.
If you don't know the Jesus Prayer it is simply (but profoundly) a continuous prayer that it is repeated over and over again: "Lord Jesus Christ have mercy upon me." Saying that prayer continuously while walking is a wonderful spiritual exercise that sinks deeply into the psyche and permeates the soul. One learning that came with it for me was the fact that if you say something enough you actually begin to believe it!
Mercy is one of those theological words that isn't used very much in our sound-byte, polarized, narcissistic culture. Perhaps that is the why we are the way we are--there is so little mercy or practice of mercy. Also, there is little understanding of the profound nature of mercy. Often people think of mercy as another form of forgiveness.
It is that but mercy also has to do with comfort, relief, compassion, and aid. Who can forget the story of the Good Samaritan? Again, back to vacation the Jesus Prayer stood for me as a reminder of how important the Lord's mercy is in the process of renewal. Mercy is key.
So I am back from vacation and today I read: A Prayer for God's Mercy. (August 25.) I am open and positioned and yes, renewed to say "Amen."
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Standing in Solitude
Today I read Merton on Solitude. "It seems to me that solitude rips off all the masks and all the disguises. It does not tolerate lies." August 8
Like many of you I live a busy life. I like it that way. I have conditioned myself, programmed myself to be on the go. There is an excitement and a certain motivation that pushes the pedal for my day-to-day activities and I accelerate a little bit more. Being busy and being active and if possible, doing whatever I have to do in a quick and efficient manner is all for the good. So I tell myself. And it works throughout the day.
But by night I am often tired. There is a sense of being "spent." Thoughts about going to sleep and getting rest run through the evening dusk. It is daylight savings time. I always love this time of the year but I realize now I can't go to sleep because it is not dark. So I stay awake and look for something to do.
The tension between doing and being is real. So much of my life is about doing. Solitude resists not so much the busyness but the power that mindless activity has over me. Being mindful as opposed to doing mindless activities is where solitude welcomes the weary soul.
Often I run from the life of solitude because for years I associated solitude with loneliness. I can't stand to be lonely. But again, the reality is loneliness is a symptom of something far deeper that we use our busyness to cover. In solitude we peel back the layer of loneliness and find that the reason for being lonely is the absence of God. We have done so much without God, we are so proud of all that we have accomplished and the goals that we have reached that there almost seems no need for God. And it is here in this tired and depleted loneliness we face the lie we live. We delude ourselves into thinking we can live without God only to discover late at night it is no life at all. Life--the only life--that is worth living is life with God.
As the lie gives way to the truth, the loneliness of the soul gradually begins a process of transformation in to a place of solitude. For solitude is different from loneliness. Loneliness has to do with life apart from God. A person of solitude is alone but not lonely. That is because in solitude we stand with God.
I can't stand to be lonely. I can stand in solitude.
Like many of you I live a busy life. I like it that way. I have conditioned myself, programmed myself to be on the go. There is an excitement and a certain motivation that pushes the pedal for my day-to-day activities and I accelerate a little bit more. Being busy and being active and if possible, doing whatever I have to do in a quick and efficient manner is all for the good. So I tell myself. And it works throughout the day.
But by night I am often tired. There is a sense of being "spent." Thoughts about going to sleep and getting rest run through the evening dusk. It is daylight savings time. I always love this time of the year but I realize now I can't go to sleep because it is not dark. So I stay awake and look for something to do.
The tension between doing and being is real. So much of my life is about doing. Solitude resists not so much the busyness but the power that mindless activity has over me. Being mindful as opposed to doing mindless activities is where solitude welcomes the weary soul.
Often I run from the life of solitude because for years I associated solitude with loneliness. I can't stand to be lonely. But again, the reality is loneliness is a symptom of something far deeper that we use our busyness to cover. In solitude we peel back the layer of loneliness and find that the reason for being lonely is the absence of God. We have done so much without God, we are so proud of all that we have accomplished and the goals that we have reached that there almost seems no need for God. And it is here in this tired and depleted loneliness we face the lie we live. We delude ourselves into thinking we can live without God only to discover late at night it is no life at all. Life--the only life--that is worth living is life with God.
As the lie gives way to the truth, the loneliness of the soul gradually begins a process of transformation in to a place of solitude. For solitude is different from loneliness. Loneliness has to do with life apart from God. A person of solitude is alone but not lonely. That is because in solitude we stand with God.
I can't stand to be lonely. I can stand in solitude.
Monday, July 28, 2008
The yoke of Christ
"The irreligious mind is simply the unreal mind, the zombie, abstracted mind, that does not see things grow in the earth and feel glad about them, but only knows prices and figures and statistics." July 22
I have always had math phobia. That is probably why I do what I do. I also as a young adult was called into the ministry but to be honest there was a side to me that chose not to go into business. The irony, or God's sense of humor, is that I married a math teach and the care of a parish requires an appreciation for numbers and a certain business acumen. Does that turn me into a zombie? Is it an abstraction or better yet a distraction? Because of that "confession" am I irreligious? I don't think so. Not because of prices and figures and statistics.
Like Merton looking at the corn and seeing the Mayas and Incas and feeling the love and joy behind the corn, I think I can make a case that I do the same thing in looking at brick and mortar and attendance figures and giving records and budgets and all the rest. There are real people and there is a mission that is behind the statistical side of life. It is religious and not simply incarnate as Merton would say "in astronomy and music."
I know what Merton is getting at and that is again the lack of awareness we have for God in our midst. I also think "the mind is a terrible thing to waste." In fact, it is interesting to listen to kids who drink and drug talk about getting wasted. It is important to love the Lord with all of heart and soul and mind. How do we do that?
This may be where Merton and I are on common ground. He talks about the "Eucharistic Rightness" of the corn growing. It is a sacramental way of describing Christ in our midst. That is one way we can use our minds is to look for Christ in all that we do. Our minds are flooded with thoughts, ideas, and images. What does Christ make of what goes into our minds?
It is here that another thought comes to the surface. When I take the yoke of Christ I learn from him. ("Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me..." Matthew 11:29) The fact that Jesus is my teacher means that my mind is real as real can be and rather than be in an abstract world or distracted I find excitement over seeking his kingdom.
It is a kingdom that finds Him Lord over the corn as well as the prices and figures and statistics.
I have always had math phobia. That is probably why I do what I do. I also as a young adult was called into the ministry but to be honest there was a side to me that chose not to go into business. The irony, or God's sense of humor, is that I married a math teach and the care of a parish requires an appreciation for numbers and a certain business acumen. Does that turn me into a zombie? Is it an abstraction or better yet a distraction? Because of that "confession" am I irreligious? I don't think so. Not because of prices and figures and statistics.
Like Merton looking at the corn and seeing the Mayas and Incas and feeling the love and joy behind the corn, I think I can make a case that I do the same thing in looking at brick and mortar and attendance figures and giving records and budgets and all the rest. There are real people and there is a mission that is behind the statistical side of life. It is religious and not simply incarnate as Merton would say "in astronomy and music."
I know what Merton is getting at and that is again the lack of awareness we have for God in our midst. I also think "the mind is a terrible thing to waste." In fact, it is interesting to listen to kids who drink and drug talk about getting wasted. It is important to love the Lord with all of heart and soul and mind. How do we do that?
This may be where Merton and I are on common ground. He talks about the "Eucharistic Rightness" of the corn growing. It is a sacramental way of describing Christ in our midst. That is one way we can use our minds is to look for Christ in all that we do. Our minds are flooded with thoughts, ideas, and images. What does Christ make of what goes into our minds?
It is here that another thought comes to the surface. When I take the yoke of Christ I learn from him. ("Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me..." Matthew 11:29) The fact that Jesus is my teacher means that my mind is real as real can be and rather than be in an abstract world or distracted I find excitement over seeking his kingdom.
It is a kingdom that finds Him Lord over the corn as well as the prices and figures and statistics.
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